I actually typed this a long time ago .... it was in my drafts.

A few days ago was the best I have ever done at the Encore/Wynn. I walked out with enough. I complained. I felt so sick. There are so many people that are less fortunate than I and I complained.

It's not really about the money though. Sometimes, I guess my expextations are too high. I feel like I owe it to my family, and myself, to do something with my life. So every bit counts.

I have to get my greed under control though. If it were judgement day toomarow I would be fucked.

My dad was a marine. I was raised by a soldier. I have respect for our military. If ever I see a man in uniform, I knod in respect. These very men sacrifice their lives so that people like you and I can live. Sitting on your ass and crying, would make them laugh at you ..... and really .... they should.

Don't give me any hippy shit right now. I love hippies. I just don't feel like disputing an argument like: Our soldiers kill people it is inhumane and wrong. This country is based on evil. I know .... I've heard it before.

I'm starting to feel really good. I always thought I needed some one there. Not only this, but I almost always thought a man wanted to feel like he was needed. In this position, it feels awesome. I look around my apartment. I smile, knowing that everything I have I attained myself. I don't need anyone or anything from anyone for the first time in my life. There is a sense of freedom to this.

I feel like I could tell a guy to go fuck himself, but ..... really mean it. lol.