BAD DAY .....

Wow, today had to be the worst ....... I worked a double, trained at the pool and then did a banquet at night. This night was so strange, I strolled through the ballroom, in my black dress, which was my uniform, and wished I was on the other end ..... I wondered when I would stop being the servant, and be the girl in a dazzling dress, fitted to my body, accompanied by prince charming..... I smiled because the thought, even though it wasn't reality, was enough for me..

I can't complain the money is better than what I used to make, but I feel like, that girl ... that girl I used to hate, the girl that was too insecure to go anywhere with out make up. I was walking around the mall the other day, and ... the perfume .... the make up ... the clothes, they were all things I would of just walked by it seemed, a few months ago... now they seemed, almost necessary .....

It's funny ... for a moment,I almost lost myself I think, in this gig I got, you know? the job .... I beat out 100,000 people to get the job, I think I started to act like someone else ...a snob, just ... better .... lol. If you know me ... it didn't take me long to snap out of that.

Relationships, I don't have one .... There's this guy that's willing to do everything for me, but I'm not drawn to him. I feel like an idiot, because, I spend more time thinking about a guy I'll never see again ...

I want to accept someone who's just a good person, but, I just can't live with out these things: A light that draws me into the persons eyes and captivates me sending chills all over, a light that makes me forget what I was talking about .... Second, energy, energy, energy, .....Third, Stimulating, challenging, conversation, ..... Fourth, I LOVE a smart guy. You could be the nicest person in the entire world, and give me all the money and girts but, if that's not there .... my soul, for lack of a better word, cries ....

Lastly, sometimes .... I wonder if I'm doing this whole Vegas thing right ... because, I love my dad, with all my heart, as well as my mother. I'm out here in Vegas trying to get by, trying to be successful but, my family isn't here. I just don't want to look back and think that I wasted the time I could of spent with my parents to make money .... Sometimes I just don't know.