Thursday, December 25, 2008
Please feel free to drop a Comment....
I'll be updating to WEGAS here very soon. In the meantime.....Merry Christmas! This comment was dropped on my blog "Rambling to my friend WEGAS". Before I respond to this comment myself, I'd like to hear what your opinions are on the matter. I like to see some different perspectives about the issue before I react. Also, please pay close attention to the last sentence. Please only intelligent and honest responses to this question only. =) Thanks guys.
TO RESOLVE CONFUSION, I DID NOT WRITE THE BELOW STATEMENT IT WAS A COMMENT LEFT BY SOMEONE ON MY BLOG.
What do you think??
I always kinda felt like vegas was evil and full of decite, a place where dreams die and lives are destroyed, a place built on crushed hopes...... the city of excess. I know its easy to say that people make their own decisions and they should have known when to stop, but its not always that easy, and thats what the casinos bet on......its like crack...who do you blame, the crack head, the dealer, or the addictvness of the drug? all of them are equally to blame...
but if you cut out the dealer the problem goes away...so I'm not so cool with vegas, its also very superficial, they love you if you have money and love it when you lose your money but as soon as the money is gone they will tell you to get the fuck out, even if you just made them a million....its also very funny to me that its illegal to be homless in a city that obviously causes so much homlessness....so all in all I gotta say my over all out look on vegas is that its a shit stain on our sociaty.
I also wanted to say that none of this rant was directed at you personally, just the city you live in. I wish you the best of luck in your endevors, but I do wonder how you mantain a since of values in your contribution to the destrution of lives???
have fun
BTM
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Ashley
Ashley Kingsmore
It is hard to be happy doing a job that you are not necessarily proud of. I am so bad at giving advice! LOL! Anyway, perspective is a main issue right now. I am not sure of statistics but maybe you should look at how many lives were changed in a positive way. Not just the fairy tale big winners, but the ones that really enjoy gambling. Some can go, loose $20 and still have a great time, or win $100 and be thrilled. Granted, it is the people that spend hundreds of thousands of dollars that make the casino business' thrive, but most of them have that kind of money to blow. Maybe you could start or join a charity group that help homless people. Something as simple as donating to a Goodwill could give you a minor sense of satisfaction.
I view Vegas as a city of fun, excitement, and partying. BUT I have never been in Vegas more than 3 days, so I could just imagine seeing the things you have seen and you have only been there a short time.
Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck and will be supportive of any decisions you make! Good Luck girl!
Posted by Ashley on Friday, December 26, 2008 - 9:24 AM
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Dewey
Andrew Dickson
That's pretty deep. I've often wondered if I'm a bad person, my job is taking money from other people. My general feeling on it is it's just a job. The thought of just taking it away won't work, at least I don't think so. How many illegal poker games happen in back rooms or dice games on the street. Maybe we are all just enablers but without us people would be loosing there ass out on a street instead of inside out of the cold. But hey, I've never even been to Vegas, maybe this spring, maybe seeing it in person will change my view.
You know you've got my support whatever you do, I'll even help you hide bodies if need be:)
Much love, Dewey
Posted by Dewey on Friday, December 26, 2008 - 12:27 PM
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Jason
what really are values anyway. Should we hate the food industry people for feeding us to much making this the fattest COuntry in the world. Hate the weatherman for yr sunburn cause he got the forecast wrong again today. Hate the movie and video game industry for rotting our brains making us lazy, while we could be studying, working out, taking a vacation, on a date, oh you know, living life. Bottom line here is, people see what they want too, we’re always looking for someone or something to blame for our imperfect lives. Most people see everything as either good or bad. And for that they will judge you. Probably the same group of people who burn their mouth on a cup of coffee and get mad cause no one told them it was hot., therefore we have to print the word Hot, all over their cup!!!lol… You just have to brush it off, cause obviously they don’t understand. Gambling is entertainment!!! Yes some people spend more then they should, we do our best to keep an eye out and get them help. But we cannot help for the actions of everyone. It’s the same as police trying to find every criminal, it’ can’t be done. That’s why they keep a look out for them….. We encourage people to have fun, smile, and enjoy Life and I think that is a great thing. There’s always good and bad with any job, criticism with whatever you do. But you know who friends are, you’re a great person and we’ll never judge you, and that’s all that matters$$$$$$
Posted by Jason on Friday, December 26, 2008 - 6:51 PM
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The Concert Goddess
you really want my comment on this one?
ok marni.
i might piss some ppl off, but you asked...
i think gambling is inherently evil. i think it's a shady indusry that caters to compulsion.
that said-
i am a b ig believer of free will. the reason you have to be 21 to gamble is because you are suposed to be an adult. it6's personal choice. the dealers are just trying to get by- you bought the crack, you bought it again, you got hooked. thats your fault and the most unadult thing a person can do is blame others for thier own choices.
no one put a gun to your head and said "put a quarter in!"
you sat there, you keep feeding the machine- shit, it's buisness- if ppl want it, someone will provide it.it's like saying "i didnt graduate because the tteacher didnt want me to" fuck that.
your suposed to be and adult. if you have a prob you know. they chose to stay, so take every dollar they give you then some, cuz regardless of how stupid they are, you still have to pay your bills.
i love you marni
i hape you takea all thier dollars!
Posted by The Concert Goddess on Saturday, December 27, 2008 - 9:58 AM
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BURN THE MUTE
I don't remember my exact sentiment at the time but I'm sure the question was ment in a rehtorical since.
but I do like to read all of the justifications.....I'v done alot of bad things in my life, and when you are in a pattern of doing bad things it only works if you get good at justifying and rationalizing your actions. I could build a winning argument for either side, but a winning argument doesn't make something right. and then a new question arises, esp. when speaking of what is "right" for one person and what is "right " for another? then one must also adress the duel meaning of "right"....it may feel "right" to someone to be a thief.
maybe they chose that as a profession, maybe it makes them feel whole, but none of that makes stealing "right" right?
if it is all a matter of perspective, then the individual makes his or her own rules. and with that logic you could kill a total stranger for no reason and as long as you felt okay about it you could say it was "right", but who am I to say.....we all have rules and we all bend our own rules whenever we see fit, morality is subject to change....there have been many cultures in the past where human sacrifice was fashionable........whats a little gambling and flesh peddling, I guess we sacrifice our bodies and "souls" for money now....we get to keep whats left and buy some shit
Posted by BURN THE MUTE on Friday, January 30, 2009 - 7:27 PM
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Wednesday, July 15, 2009
BLOG IMPORT
Sunday, December 28, 2008
You won’t understand this blog unless you read the last one.
Personally, before I left, I believed the same thing, that Vegas was, "full of deceit, a place where dreams die and lives are destroyed, a place built on crushed hopes..…" a statement that I will admit was very artistic and beautifully put. However, I now believe that your reality is quite frankly what you make of it.
It doesn't matter if it is your reality in a relationship, as a construction worker, a librarian, a cashier at Burger King, or WHATEVER you do, or WHERE you do it. As long as you have the ability perceive your reality in a pleasant way, it will inevitably become something positive to you, with the exception of those who truthfully have no power over negative situations. As long as you dedicate yourself to excellence, you will most likely succeed in your personal goals, and if you don't reach your goals, in my book, as long as you did the best you could do, with the cards you where handed, you should find a sense of fulfillment in that.
You are almost always going to be doing something wrong, no matter what you do. I really wish it wasn't true, but it is. I can't believe that cashier just sold 20 hamburgers to that fat ass!. That evil construction worker BUILT that god awful casino! Where those god awful cocktail servers, bartender, dealers, and whoever else dwell, waiting to pierce your lives with evil that consumes them!!!!!! And by golly that cute old lady at the library just checked me out "How to count cards" by Olaf Vacura! Bitch!! Ahhhhhh!!
Many of us who are inhabiting Las Vegas came here for a better life, to wake up in the morning wide eyed and to see opportunity right outside of our windows and at our finger tips. Sometimes in the form of very tall buildings with flashy lights. Not to, symbolically speaking, find a demon and ask him Where can I find the pit of Hell ? Or Which Casino can I get more money for my soul at?? Or Where can I be trained in the art of lying and counterfeiting my way through life.?
Sure there is deceit here, just like anywhere else. My perception however is, that I came here for a reason. Would I raise a family here? Probably not. Why am I here? Business. Do I know how to spot evil? Yes. Am I evil? Who isn't? Am I a good person? Trying to be. Vegas is like a video game to me, and I'm like on level 3. I'm trying to get to the next level, fighting off evil doers. Trying to leap over tall buildings in shit! My favorite is driving along the strip using every profane word possible waving my fist in the air, then sitting back in my 1990 Honda Accord that I named Royal Flush (it's a girl by the way). smirking and wondering how the heck I wound up in Las Vegas……Level 2: Las Vegas Strip(Race car level). My new job is the level sort of like the level in Mario Brothers when you get out of the tunnel and all you have to do is collect coins. (Cool people will know what I'm talking about).
I have my ideas and notions on personal morals and beliefs and I believe that Las Vegas is a perfect place to test myself and see how strong I really am. "Head strong, I'll take you on….." Your dreams could die easily here, your life could shrivel in an instant. Yet, the same thing could happen to you if you continue to stay in the same place your entire life. So you can win or loose either way.
Do you know what I do with my money? Robin Hood stole from the rich and gave to the poor. Have you ever thought of this concept? Or where you thinking "God that Robin Hood was such an ASSHOLE!" Did I step off of the plane, fall into a set of breast implants, wake up from my induction, with a crack pipe in my mouth? No, that's not how shit works…. However I am really enjoying my new butt implants, and where the fuck is Cartel with my SMACK WTF?! [tapping the inside of my arm] (I'm kidding).
Las Vegas is the entertainment capitol of the world. People want to come here and have fun I agree that I may be contributing to the destruction of lives (I'm not afraid to admit you're right), but to say that, that has any correlation to my ability to be a good person is wrong. I'm doing what I have to do to survive. I'm out here by myself, without a college education at that. I may take that money, turn around, pay for college, become a scientist, find the cure for cancer, and save somebody you know one day. ( I highly doubt this scenario, but it makes your ass think doesn't it?).
I'll leave you with a really cool Ani Difranco quote,
"but that picket line persisted
and that clinic's since been closed
they keep pounding their fists on reality
hoping it will break
but I don't think there's a one of us
that leads a life free of mistakes"
Bottom line and Main point in all of this is: This question is tough because on one hand there is a question about justice (making money/survival) and on the other, there is the question about morality. Everyone is entitled to their own personal opinion, and everyone should be able to speak their voice. Who's right? Who knows (shrug)
P.S. - I love all my friends
Not the comment I expected to be dropped on Christmas Eve, but you know, it is, what it is........
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Ashley Kingsmore
There you go! You always go farther being positive! :)
Posted by Ashley on Monday, December 29, 2008 - 1:51 PM
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BURN THE MUTE
well,
I had no idea that my comment on your blog would get this much response, or that after 6 years of not even seeing you my opinion would still matter to you at all. I like you answer though.....
I don't know if you remember all of those philisophical drunken conversations we used to have, but it reminds me of those times....their are lots of statements here and there that i would love to address individually but It would take far to much reading and writing so......I will quote myself from one of my newest songs.....
you leak out a long sigh, when you see the greeneyed monster. if you fulfill your desires you will leave us all behind you....I know why you came....and I know why you'll never stay.
lies wont wait. truth won't find you....hiding there, waiting for something to fall.
I'm bleeding out of my third eye, i stabbed myself in my karmas artery, clingging on to a feeble mind when I could acsend so easily.....I know why I stay....but who knows why I ever came....
the lyrics here are kinda abstract, I don't know if I knew what it was about when I wrote it, but I feel as if it coralates nicely to this conversation....
anyhow. I did not intend to make you question your righteousness, or your path in life.
to quote bad religeon " do what you want, do all you can, break all the fucking rules, and go to hell with superman, and die like a champion ya hey!" I just like to stir shit sometimes...and vegas sucked real bad everytime i was there...alot of asshole cops and fake ass people, just not my kinda town marnica....
have a nice day!
Timbo
Posted by BURN THE MUTE on Friday, January 30, 2009 - 3:58 PM
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You won’t understand this blog unless you read the last one.
Personally, before I left, I believed the same thing, that Vegas was, "full of deceit, a place where dreams die and lives are destroyed, a place built on crushed hopes..…" a statement that I will admit was very artistic and beautifully put. However, I now believe that your reality is quite frankly what you make of it.
It doesn't matter if it is your reality in a relationship, as a construction worker, a librarian, a cashier at Burger King, or WHATEVER you do, or WHERE you do it. As long as you have the ability perceive your reality in a pleasant way, it will inevitably become something positive to you, with the exception of those who truthfully have no power over negative situations. As long as you dedicate yourself to excellence, you will most likely succeed in your personal goals, and if you don't reach your goals, in my book, as long as you did the best you could do, with the cards you where handed, you should find a sense of fulfillment in that.
You are almost always going to be doing something wrong, no matter what you do. I really wish it wasn't true, but it is. I can't believe that cashier just sold 20 hamburgers to that fat ass!. That evil construction worker BUILT that god awful casino! Where those god awful cocktail servers, bartender, dealers, and whoever else dwell, waiting to pierce your lives with evil that consumes them!!!!!! And by golly that cute old lady at the library just checked me out "How to count cards" by Olaf Vacura! Bitch!! Ahhhhhh!!
Many of us who are inhabiting Las Vegas came here for a better life, to wake up in the morning wide eyed and to see opportunity right outside of our windows and at our finger tips. Sometimes in the form of very tall buildings with flashy lights. Not to, symbolically speaking, find a demon and ask him Where can I find the pit of Hell ? Or Which Casino can I get more money for my soul at?? Or Where can I be trained in the art of lying and counterfeiting my way through life.?
Sure there is deceit here, just like anywhere else. My perception however is, that I came here for a reason. Would I raise a family here? Probably not. Why am I here? Business. Do I know how to spot evil? Yes. Am I evil? Who isn't? Am I a good person? Trying to be. Vegas is like a video game to me, and I'm like on level 3. I'm trying to get to the next level, fighting off evil doers. Trying to leap over tall buildings in shit! My favorite is driving along the strip using every profane word possible waving my fist in the air, then sitting back in my 1990 Honda Accord that I named Royal Flush (it's a girl by the way). smirking and wondering how the heck I wound up in Las Vegas……Level 2: Las Vegas Strip(Race car level). My new job is the level sort of like the level in Mario Brothers when you get out of the tunnel and all you have to do is collect coins. (Cool people will know what I'm talking about).
I have my ideas and notions on personal morals and beliefs and I believe that Las Vegas is a perfect place to test myself and see how strong I really am. "Head strong, I'll take you on….." Your dreams could die easily here, your life could shrivel in an instant. Yet, the same thing could happen to you if you continue to stay in the same place your entire life. So you can win or loose either way.
Do you know what I do with my money? Robin Hood stole from the rich and gave to the poor. Have you ever thought of this concept? Or where you thinking "God that Robin Hood was such an ASSHOLE!" Did I step off of the plane, fall into a set of breast implants, wake up from my induction, with a crack pipe in my mouth? No, that's not how shit works…. However I am really enjoying my new butt implants, and where the fuck is Cartel with my SMACK WTF?! [tapping the inside of my arm] (I'm kidding).
Las Vegas is the entertainment capitol of the world. People want to come here and have fun I agree that I may be contributing to the destruction of lives (I'm not afraid to admit you're right), but to say that, that has any correlation to my ability to be a good person is wrong. I'm doing what I have to do to survive. I'm out here by myself, without a college education at that. I may take that money, turn around, pay for college, become a scientist, find the cure for cancer, and save somebody you know one day. ( I highly doubt this scenario, but it makes your ass think doesn't it?).
I'll leave you with a really cool Ani Difranco quote,
"but that picket line persisted
and that clinic's since been closed
they keep pounding their fists on reality
hoping it will break
but I don't think there's a one of us
that leads a life free of mistakes"
Bottom line and Main point in all of this is: This question is tough because on one hand there is a question about justice (making money/survival) and on the other, there is the question about morality. Everyone is entitled to their own personal opinion, and everyone should be able to speak their voice. Who's right? Who knows (shrug)
P.S. - I love all my friends
Not the comment I expected to be dropped on Christmas Eve, but you know, it is, what it is........
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Ashley Kingsmore
There you go! You always go farther being positive! :)
Posted by Ashley on Monday, December 29, 2008 - 1:51 PM
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BURN THE MUTE
well,
I had no idea that my comment on your blog would get this much response, or that after 6 years of not even seeing you my opinion would still matter to you at all. I like you answer though.....
I don't know if you remember all of those philisophical drunken conversations we used to have, but it reminds me of those times....their are lots of statements here and there that i would love to address individually but It would take far to much reading and writing so......I will quote myself from one of my newest songs.....
you leak out a long sigh, when you see the greeneyed monster. if you fulfill your desires you will leave us all behind you....I know why you came....and I know why you'll never stay.
lies wont wait. truth won't find you....hiding there, waiting for something to fall.
I'm bleeding out of my third eye, i stabbed myself in my karmas artery, clingging on to a feeble mind when I could acsend so easily.....I know why I stay....but who knows why I ever came....
the lyrics here are kinda abstract, I don't know if I knew what it was about when I wrote it, but I feel as if it coralates nicely to this conversation....
anyhow. I did not intend to make you question your righteousness, or your path in life.
to quote bad religeon " do what you want, do all you can, break all the fucking rules, and go to hell with superman, and die like a champion ya hey!" I just like to stir shit sometimes...and vegas sucked real bad everytime i was there...alot of asshole cops and fake ass people, just not my kinda town marnica....
have a nice day!
Timbo
Posted by BURN THE MUTE on Friday, January 30, 2009 - 3:58 PM
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BLOG IMPORT
Saturday, January 17, 2009
SO EPIC.
Category: Writing and Poetry
SO EPIC.
I lay awake it's about six twenty four
I'm all by myself and I guess at some point you just realize you can't really take anymore.
You did what you could, and I guess it's just not enough.
You can't shake the time you shared.
You can't shake the energy exchanged.
That night, those days, those afternoons.
Nothing seems to compare.
No one really listens, No one really understands .....
except for you both..........
The only thing outsiders can seem to agree on is ......well ....... that it's time to move on.
I ramble on and on, I plead my case .... and it seems nothing makes any sense,
but in my heart all I hear is music ........ pictures of a time when things felt perfect.
It makes complete sense right?? He just didn't care ......
He just calls because he wants to continue the nightmares.....just to make sure
That he's still all you ever wanted ......
and you DID wait for him ........
but it doesn't matter if you do it right, even if it was for all the right reasons .....
There's something more ........ Something you have yet to comprehend ......yet to explore.....
Right?? That's the only thing that makes sense...... so ........
If he isn't the one for you, then really who is? ........
Why else would something you were so happy with ....... become amiss? ......
They say if he isn't the one ...... well.... there's something better anyway ....... but ......
I don't understand .....What's wrong with the choices I've already made ....
I never asked for something better ....... so .......what's going on? ...... maybe something or someone know's us or .... me better than I or anyone else knows me .... atleast ..... that's what I can only hope.........I'm trying to cope ... I'm trying to let him go ........I'm holding him by his fingertips .....crying again ..... it should be easier than this ..... I'm so sorry I am so complicated......I looked out of my window, and I saw the sunrise again .... alone I sit next to my computer, oh WEGAS .... my dear friend ..... There is something so beautiful about this...... alone..... desperation...... emotions within, how I wish I could step outside that balcony...... scramble for a lighter .....and then..... burn these feelings with an inhale of a cigarette......tap..tap...tapin' ...... ashes fall like teardrops...suckin my soul through a filter..... THEN,....I would relax into a coma, similllar to HEROIN...... I can't though..... not tonight I quit that shit anyway right?..... I must heal....rid my body of this..... atleast somewhat ..... I think I have done my body enough damage ...but back to my other addiction.... I pictured him so many times I wanted to puke .....I pictured how bad I could hurt him .....I envisioned drastic actions that would give him a better feel of my passion.... How much physical damage I would do ..... then I wondered ... would you really do it? ...... Or would you just collapse in his arms ....... so epic..... but it seems so true.
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Gina
Great blog Marnie! Very poetic. I hope you're not in as much pain as the blog reads, but if you are, you have channeled that pain into something bigger than that pain. I love the line "I'm holding him by his fingertips. . ."
Take care of yourself out there and I'm still going to respond to your Christmas blog.
Gina
Posted by Gina on Sunday, January 18, 2009 - 11:33 AM
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BURN THE MUTE
nicely written, I must say!
but whats this about the junk????
timbo
Posted by BURN THE MUTE on Friday, January 30, 2009 - 4:07 PM
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Lost in Las Vegas
marnica lindsay
What's the Junk?
Posted by Lost in Las Vegas on Monday, February 09, 2009 - 6:34 AM
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SO EPIC.
Category: Writing and Poetry
SO EPIC.
I lay awake it's about six twenty four
I'm all by myself and I guess at some point you just realize you can't really take anymore.
You did what you could, and I guess it's just not enough.
You can't shake the time you shared.
You can't shake the energy exchanged.
That night, those days, those afternoons.
Nothing seems to compare.
No one really listens, No one really understands .....
except for you both..........
The only thing outsiders can seem to agree on is ......well ....... that it's time to move on.
I ramble on and on, I plead my case .... and it seems nothing makes any sense,
but in my heart all I hear is music ........ pictures of a time when things felt perfect.
It makes complete sense right?? He just didn't care ......
He just calls because he wants to continue the nightmares.....just to make sure
That he's still all you ever wanted ......
and you DID wait for him ........
but it doesn't matter if you do it right, even if it was for all the right reasons .....
There's something more ........ Something you have yet to comprehend ......yet to explore.....
Right?? That's the only thing that makes sense...... so ........
If he isn't the one for you, then really who is? ........
Why else would something you were so happy with ....... become amiss? ......
They say if he isn't the one ...... well.... there's something better anyway ....... but ......
I don't understand .....What's wrong with the choices I've already made ....
I never asked for something better ....... so .......what's going on? ...... maybe something or someone know's us or .... me better than I or anyone else knows me .... atleast ..... that's what I can only hope.........I'm trying to cope ... I'm trying to let him go ........I'm holding him by his fingertips .....crying again ..... it should be easier than this ..... I'm so sorry I am so complicated......I looked out of my window, and I saw the sunrise again .... alone I sit next to my computer, oh WEGAS .... my dear friend ..... There is something so beautiful about this...... alone..... desperation...... emotions within, how I wish I could step outside that balcony...... scramble for a lighter .....and then..... burn these feelings with an inhale of a cigarette......tap..tap...tapin' ...... ashes fall like teardrops...suckin my soul through a filter..... THEN,....I would relax into a coma, similllar to HEROIN...... I can't though..... not tonight I quit that shit anyway right?..... I must heal....rid my body of this..... atleast somewhat ..... I think I have done my body enough damage ...but back to my other addiction.... I pictured him so many times I wanted to puke .....I pictured how bad I could hurt him .....I envisioned drastic actions that would give him a better feel of my passion.... How much physical damage I would do ..... then I wondered ... would you really do it? ...... Or would you just collapse in his arms ....... so epic..... but it seems so true.
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Gina
Great blog Marnie! Very poetic. I hope you're not in as much pain as the blog reads, but if you are, you have channeled that pain into something bigger than that pain. I love the line "I'm holding him by his fingertips. . ."
Take care of yourself out there and I'm still going to respond to your Christmas blog.
Gina
Posted by Gina on Sunday, January 18, 2009 - 11:33 AM
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BURN THE MUTE
nicely written, I must say!
but whats this about the junk????
timbo
Posted by BURN THE MUTE on Friday, January 30, 2009 - 4:07 PM
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Lost in Las Vegas
marnica lindsay
What's the Junk?
Posted by Lost in Las Vegas on Monday, February 09, 2009 - 6:34 AM
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MY MORE CURRENT POST START HERE
THIS IS THE END OF MY BLOG FROM MY SPACE. THAT TOOK A WHILE. GLAD IT'S OVER. MOSTLY, GLAD TO HAVE MY BLOG ALL IN ONE PLACE. =)
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
D fucking saster!!!!!
I would like to begin this blog by saying that I have watched "He's not that into you" and personaly I think the movie is a big contradiction. It seems like they confuse stalking as "not loosing hope" and actually encourages the behavior.
Disaster!!!! My whole summer so far has been a disaster, atleast in the love category. I must be cursed somehow. Money is good. Apartment is good. Friendships Good. Love life, fucking a disaster!!!!
The guy that I thought I "loved" ...... that's a whole different story.
The guy that I was attempting to get to know or atleast "hook up" with, thinks I'm a stalker and basically told me in a matter of fact tone, that we are not compatible, theres nothing between us.
The guy that I left, well honestly was a nice guy. However, when I look at the big picture. I need more than some one who is a good provider. In the end, I can do that all alone. Personlity is a necessity of mine and if you don't have one, I'll get bored quick.
So what the hell .....
I'm single, and honestly I don't really care that much. However, there have been several instances that I have wondered when the statistics of life would be in my favor.
I was exited all summer about seeing guy number two. I saw him once. It was great!!! He kissed better than usual. He cut his hair .... but I got over it. He was smart and funny and I wanted to see him again ..... so much that .... maybe I forgot to be in the moment when I was with him.
I fucked up though. I came on too strong and I know I did and I guess maybe I do seem like a stalker. In all of my wildest dreams I NEVER really thought I would be labled as a stalker. I think it's almost funny. Wow. I think I'm a pretty cool chick. You just have to get to know me jeez.
Trisha the first girl I met in Vegas just didn't understand.
"What? .... Why would he .... why would he say all those things to you?"
"It's my fault I said I came on too strong ....."
"Marley .... you can't do that ......you know how guys are!"
"I know!!! I just .... I just really like him and .... I couldn't pretend."
I layed all the details out for her and said. So can I send him one more e-mail ..... Just say .... you know hey I know you think I'm a stalker (tap,tap,I'm right behind you) jk .......and I know that you don't think we're compatible but hey when you're back in Vegas in July I'd LOVE to see you again ........
She was disgusted ..... What? No DO NOT fucking email OR text him.
Why?!!? ....I wondered.
That's when she told me the ugly truth.
If a guy tells you to leave him the fuck alone then you leave him the fuck alone you need to respect what he wants.
Wow. She was right ..... and I knew it .... and I hated it .... there would be no more text .... there would be no more e-mails ..... and I am just left here wondering if they have support groups for stalkers. Hi my name is Marley and I stalk people .... I think I realize now that, theres just a fine line between persistance and violating someone's exitstence.
Life is so backwards sometimes .... The guy you don't want is all over ya ..... and the guy you do want wishes you were ..... some one else ..... jesus. (hand on fore head)
So I still wonder what it was ..... It actually hurt bad to hear that I wasn't wanted. To know that being friends wasn't even an option .... It seemed like more than uninterested ... it felt like hatred. Why though? I just don't get it ...... Why did it hurt .... I didn't know him. We were never close ..... so I still don't understand.
Not to go off topic but, I'm out in the sun everday it shines on my face at work. It's the best. I wait on topless women. Can you say that? The pool lights up when the sun hits it and customers actually know that 60 dollars is 20% of 300.
I've been cracking jokes. The pool seems to be the most fun I've ever had in Las Vegas. All of the girls I work with are beautiful and it makes me proud to be where I am. I feel like I've bonded with them this summer. It's almost like I have a little family.
My fellow employees get me through the day. We make fun of each other and make fun of each others moms' and even make fun of each others love lives and experiences.
Soon, It will be time for me and all the girls to go back inside to the casino. I think with no hesitation ...... I'm really gonna miss the pool.
Being with these people and my friends and having my family. Makes me step back and recollect.... I am so lucky and so happy. I have so many good friends in my life. Inside when I look deep down, even though it sounds gay ..... I think I have a lot going for me. So, so what? What if a guy doesn't like me and honestly I can't be mad at some one just because they don't want me included in their personal or romantic life. I think that it's okay for a person to be uninterested in you. I can think of a few people I'm not interested in. The reality of it all is: It still sucks no matter what end you're on.
For now .... I'm going to keep my shit straight. It feels good not dragging behind finacially. I'm moving forward every day. What's scary is all of the desicions I make now will greatly effect my life in my thirtys and forty's. Thus I'm a little nervous to be making desicions.
I'm sending my mom two hundred dollars today. I mainly moved here for personal sucess and to be there when my family needed me. So, it is an honor to help my moher when she needs it. I never thought I would meet so many amazing people along the way, especially in sin city. I never thought I could move to a big city all by myself and reap such great rewards.
Disaster!!!! My whole summer so far has been a disaster, atleast in the love category. I must be cursed somehow. Money is good. Apartment is good. Friendships Good. Love life, fucking a disaster!!!!
The guy that I thought I "loved" ...... that's a whole different story.
The guy that I was attempting to get to know or atleast "hook up" with, thinks I'm a stalker and basically told me in a matter of fact tone, that we are not compatible, theres nothing between us.
The guy that I left, well honestly was a nice guy. However, when I look at the big picture. I need more than some one who is a good provider. In the end, I can do that all alone. Personlity is a necessity of mine and if you don't have one, I'll get bored quick.
So what the hell .....
I'm single, and honestly I don't really care that much. However, there have been several instances that I have wondered when the statistics of life would be in my favor.
I was exited all summer about seeing guy number two. I saw him once. It was great!!! He kissed better than usual. He cut his hair .... but I got over it. He was smart and funny and I wanted to see him again ..... so much that .... maybe I forgot to be in the moment when I was with him.
I fucked up though. I came on too strong and I know I did and I guess maybe I do seem like a stalker. In all of my wildest dreams I NEVER really thought I would be labled as a stalker. I think it's almost funny. Wow. I think I'm a pretty cool chick. You just have to get to know me jeez.
Trisha the first girl I met in Vegas just didn't understand.
"What? .... Why would he .... why would he say all those things to you?"
"It's my fault I said I came on too strong ....."
"Marley .... you can't do that ......you know how guys are!"
"I know!!! I just .... I just really like him and .... I couldn't pretend."
I layed all the details out for her and said. So can I send him one more e-mail ..... Just say .... you know hey I know you think I'm a stalker (tap,tap,I'm right behind you) jk .......and I know that you don't think we're compatible but hey when you're back in Vegas in July I'd LOVE to see you again ........
She was disgusted ..... What? No DO NOT fucking email OR text him.
Why?!!? ....I wondered.
That's when she told me the ugly truth.
If a guy tells you to leave him the fuck alone then you leave him the fuck alone you need to respect what he wants.
Wow. She was right ..... and I knew it .... and I hated it .... there would be no more text .... there would be no more e-mails ..... and I am just left here wondering if they have support groups for stalkers. Hi my name is Marley and I stalk people .... I think I realize now that, theres just a fine line between persistance and violating someone's exitstence.
Life is so backwards sometimes .... The guy you don't want is all over ya ..... and the guy you do want wishes you were ..... some one else ..... jesus. (hand on fore head)
So I still wonder what it was ..... It actually hurt bad to hear that I wasn't wanted. To know that being friends wasn't even an option .... It seemed like more than uninterested ... it felt like hatred. Why though? I just don't get it ...... Why did it hurt .... I didn't know him. We were never close ..... so I still don't understand.
Not to go off topic but, I'm out in the sun everday it shines on my face at work. It's the best. I wait on topless women. Can you say that? The pool lights up when the sun hits it and customers actually know that 60 dollars is 20% of 300.
I've been cracking jokes. The pool seems to be the most fun I've ever had in Las Vegas. All of the girls I work with are beautiful and it makes me proud to be where I am. I feel like I've bonded with them this summer. It's almost like I have a little family.
My fellow employees get me through the day. We make fun of each other and make fun of each others moms' and even make fun of each others love lives and experiences.
Soon, It will be time for me and all the girls to go back inside to the casino. I think with no hesitation ...... I'm really gonna miss the pool.
Being with these people and my friends and having my family. Makes me step back and recollect.... I am so lucky and so happy. I have so many good friends in my life. Inside when I look deep down, even though it sounds gay ..... I think I have a lot going for me. So, so what? What if a guy doesn't like me and honestly I can't be mad at some one just because they don't want me included in their personal or romantic life. I think that it's okay for a person to be uninterested in you. I can think of a few people I'm not interested in. The reality of it all is: It still sucks no matter what end you're on.
For now .... I'm going to keep my shit straight. It feels good not dragging behind finacially. I'm moving forward every day. What's scary is all of the desicions I make now will greatly effect my life in my thirtys and forty's. Thus I'm a little nervous to be making desicions.
I'm sending my mom two hundred dollars today. I mainly moved here for personal sucess and to be there when my family needed me. So, it is an honor to help my moher when she needs it. I never thought I would meet so many amazing people along the way, especially in sin city. I never thought I could move to a big city all by myself and reap such great rewards.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
I actually typed this a long time ago .... it was in my drafts.
A few days ago was the best I have ever done at the Encore/Wynn. I walked out with enough. I complained. I felt so sick. There are so many people that are less fortunate than I and I complained.
It's not really about the money though. Sometimes, I guess my expextations are too high. I feel like I owe it to my family, and myself, to do something with my life. So every bit counts.
I have to get my greed under control though. If it were judgement day toomarow I would be fucked.
My dad was a marine. I was raised by a soldier. I have respect for our military. If ever I see a man in uniform, I knod in respect. These very men sacrifice their lives so that people like you and I can live. Sitting on your ass and crying, would make them laugh at you ..... and really .... they should.
Don't give me any hippy shit right now. I love hippies. I just don't feel like disputing an argument like: Our soldiers kill people it is inhumane and wrong. This country is based on evil. I know .... I've heard it before.
I'm starting to feel really good. I always thought I needed some one there. Not only this, but I almost always thought a man wanted to feel like he was needed. In this position, it feels awesome. I look around my apartment. I smile, knowing that everything I have I attained myself. I don't need anyone or anything from anyone for the first time in my life. There is a sense of freedom to this.
I feel like I could tell a guy to go fuck himself, but ..... really mean it. lol.
It's not really about the money though. Sometimes, I guess my expextations are too high. I feel like I owe it to my family, and myself, to do something with my life. So every bit counts.
I have to get my greed under control though. If it were judgement day toomarow I would be fucked.
My dad was a marine. I was raised by a soldier. I have respect for our military. If ever I see a man in uniform, I knod in respect. These very men sacrifice their lives so that people like you and I can live. Sitting on your ass and crying, would make them laugh at you ..... and really .... they should.
Don't give me any hippy shit right now. I love hippies. I just don't feel like disputing an argument like: Our soldiers kill people it is inhumane and wrong. This country is based on evil. I know .... I've heard it before.
I'm starting to feel really good. I always thought I needed some one there. Not only this, but I almost always thought a man wanted to feel like he was needed. In this position, it feels awesome. I look around my apartment. I smile, knowing that everything I have I attained myself. I don't need anyone or anything from anyone for the first time in my life. There is a sense of freedom to this.
I feel like I could tell a guy to go fuck himself, but ..... really mean it. lol.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
FREE AT LAST!!!!!
So I randomly moved into my own apartment. I'll save you the sob story, I grabbed all of my things and put them one by one, into my 1990 Honda accord and took off ... I was alone, but I remembered the bus ride, when I first got to Vegas. I was alone. It felt familiar, I felt strong, I felt like I'd be OK.
But I wasn't I was raped!!!! I was assaulted. He took my soul. I will never feel human ..... again.
Relax ..... I'm joking ... what's a story with out a little surprise every now and then?
Anyway, seriously, I read a profile on craigslist something about your own room, cheap, cheap, and cheap. So I was like hey .... it's cheap!! I met Roommate #1. I took him out to dinner and that was all that was needed for day 1. Day 2, Beer in the fridge. I was like ....okay.
I was laying on the inflatable bed that I couldn't figure out how to inflate, in a strangers house none the less. So I was laying on a mat, thumbing through craigslist on my cell. I was quite dirty and smelly. I found another ad. It was a women, who had a studio for $590. I arranged to see her that night, even though, I was already staying with potential roommate #1. When I walked in it was perfect. "I'll take it!" I said. All of my things were already in my car so. I called roommate #1 and said "No thanks."
I was finally going to get some peaceful sleep. Before bed, I went to the bathroom opened the door, and SURPRISE!!!! Spiders!!! Nooooo!! I flipped! I absolutely hate BUGS!!! I figured, hey be tough American girl ...... you can do it!! They'll be gone in the morning. Right??
In the morning I walked into the bathroom. Yep, the spiders were gone!! However, in it's place was a whole new specimen!! I ran for the land lord and explained my dilemma. Her response was as follows. "Do you believe in reincarnation?? If you were a spider would you want to be squashed? No, so you should learn to live with them, and just start learning biology ..... WTF?? Right?
So now, I have my own apartment. This is the first time, in my life, I have ever owned .... well, anything besides a shitty car. It's five minutes from the strip. It's soooo quiet. I love this though. I just want to run around naked and like scream, and violate my own rules.
I payed rent for the first time in my life as well. Quite depressing if you ask me. Here you go ... here's 700 bucks yeah no, go ahead, take it.... Even though I'm out a grand to survive every month, I think I'll be OK. I'm already payed up for July. So I won't have to pay again until August 1st. If I can't make seven hundo by then, it would just be, well sad.
My dad is unemployed. My mom is living pay check to pay check. My brother is .... my brother. I want to buy them all plane tickets or in other words fly them to my couch or air mattress. If they can't afford it, I will get them here.
I don't plan on stayng here forever, but I know I will be here for at least 7 more months. I want to go to other cities too like L.A. and New York.
I have transferred out to the pool. So I am now full time at the Wynn/Encore in Las Vegas NV. My pay checks are usually around 5-6 hundred every two weeks, plus tips with which I'm not comfortable talking about just yet. It's a whole shit load it will make you pee in your pants!!! ..... jk lol. I do OK. I will have consistent work until the summer is over.
On the pool, I work with beautiful women. All shapes and sizes ..... wait, I'm lying, none of them are fat ..... now that I think about it ....=/ Any who, We wear custom made red bathing suits, red sarongs, and white tennis shoes. The white shoes will be changed to tan crocks eventually.
I was uncomfortable going out to the pool. The money was good inside and eight hour in the Las Vegas sun is NO joke. Missouri where I'm originally from is very conservative. The top less pool frightened me. You know what though, there is not a day that goes by that I don't see a boob or a nipple, different shapes, sizes and colors. I'm over it, and frankly wondered what the big deal was to begin with. I guess I made it a big deal in mind. Now though, I can look a women square in the eye with out feeling awkward and wink and smile and say "yeah I'll get you Raspberry Daiquiri ... but you better tip me bitch because I'm not here solely to make your vacation the talk of the town back in nowhere ville." Well, everything except the last part. Most people tip.
I'm looking for a second job. It's go time. In other news, the WSOP is coming!! I can't wait!!!! Yay!!!!!
But I wasn't I was raped!!!! I was assaulted. He took my soul. I will never feel human ..... again.
Relax ..... I'm joking ... what's a story with out a little surprise every now and then?
Anyway, seriously, I read a profile on craigslist something about your own room, cheap, cheap, and cheap. So I was like hey .... it's cheap!! I met Roommate #1. I took him out to dinner and that was all that was needed for day 1. Day 2, Beer in the fridge. I was like ....okay.
I was laying on the inflatable bed that I couldn't figure out how to inflate, in a strangers house none the less. So I was laying on a mat, thumbing through craigslist on my cell. I was quite dirty and smelly. I found another ad. It was a women, who had a studio for $590. I arranged to see her that night, even though, I was already staying with potential roommate #1. When I walked in it was perfect. "I'll take it!" I said. All of my things were already in my car so. I called roommate #1 and said "No thanks."
I was finally going to get some peaceful sleep. Before bed, I went to the bathroom opened the door, and SURPRISE!!!! Spiders!!! Nooooo!! I flipped! I absolutely hate BUGS!!! I figured, hey be tough American girl ...... you can do it!! They'll be gone in the morning. Right??
In the morning I walked into the bathroom. Yep, the spiders were gone!! However, in it's place was a whole new specimen!! I ran for the land lord and explained my dilemma. Her response was as follows. "Do you believe in reincarnation?? If you were a spider would you want to be squashed? No, so you should learn to live with them, and just start learning biology ..... WTF?? Right?
So now, I have my own apartment. This is the first time, in my life, I have ever owned .... well, anything besides a shitty car. It's five minutes from the strip. It's soooo quiet. I love this though. I just want to run around naked and like scream, and violate my own rules.
I payed rent for the first time in my life as well. Quite depressing if you ask me. Here you go ... here's 700 bucks yeah no, go ahead, take it.... Even though I'm out a grand to survive every month, I think I'll be OK. I'm already payed up for July. So I won't have to pay again until August 1st. If I can't make seven hundo by then, it would just be, well sad.
My dad is unemployed. My mom is living pay check to pay check. My brother is .... my brother. I want to buy them all plane tickets or in other words fly them to my couch or air mattress. If they can't afford it, I will get them here.
I don't plan on stayng here forever, but I know I will be here for at least 7 more months. I want to go to other cities too like L.A. and New York.
I have transferred out to the pool. So I am now full time at the Wynn/Encore in Las Vegas NV. My pay checks are usually around 5-6 hundred every two weeks, plus tips with which I'm not comfortable talking about just yet. It's a whole shit load it will make you pee in your pants!!! ..... jk lol. I do OK. I will have consistent work until the summer is over.
On the pool, I work with beautiful women. All shapes and sizes ..... wait, I'm lying, none of them are fat ..... now that I think about it ....=/ Any who, We wear custom made red bathing suits, red sarongs, and white tennis shoes. The white shoes will be changed to tan crocks eventually.
I was uncomfortable going out to the pool. The money was good inside and eight hour in the Las Vegas sun is NO joke. Missouri where I'm originally from is very conservative. The top less pool frightened me. You know what though, there is not a day that goes by that I don't see a boob or a nipple, different shapes, sizes and colors. I'm over it, and frankly wondered what the big deal was to begin with. I guess I made it a big deal in mind. Now though, I can look a women square in the eye with out feeling awkward and wink and smile and say "yeah I'll get you Raspberry Daiquiri ... but you better tip me bitch because I'm not here solely to make your vacation the talk of the town back in nowhere ville." Well, everything except the last part. Most people tip.
I'm looking for a second job. It's go time. In other news, the WSOP is coming!! I can't wait!!!! Yay!!!!!
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