D fucking saster!!!!!

I would like to begin this blog by saying that I have watched "He's not that into you" and personaly I think the movie is a big contradiction. It seems like they confuse stalking as "not loosing hope" and actually encourages the behavior.

Disaster!!!! My whole summer so far has been a disaster, atleast in the love category. I must be cursed somehow. Money is good. Apartment is good. Friendships Good. Love life, fucking a disaster!!!!

The guy that I thought I "loved" ...... that's a whole different story.

The guy that I was attempting to get to know or atleast "hook up" with, thinks I'm a stalker and basically told me in a matter of fact tone, that we are not compatible, theres nothing between us.

The guy that I left, well honestly was a nice guy. However, when I look at the big picture. I need more than some one who is a good provider. In the end, I can do that all alone. Personlity is a necessity of mine and if you don't have one, I'll get bored quick.

So what the hell .....

I'm single, and honestly I don't really care that much. However, there have been several instances that I have wondered when the statistics of life would be in my favor.

I was exited all summer about seeing guy number two. I saw him once. It was great!!! He kissed better than usual. He cut his hair .... but I got over it. He was smart and funny and I wanted to see him again ..... so much that .... maybe I forgot to be in the moment when I was with him.

I fucked up though. I came on too strong and I know I did and I guess maybe I do seem like a stalker. In all of my wildest dreams I NEVER really thought I would be labled as a stalker. I think it's almost funny. Wow. I think I'm a pretty cool chick. You just have to get to know me jeez.

Trisha the first girl I met in Vegas just didn't understand.

"What? .... Why would he .... why would he say all those things to you?"

"It's my fault I said I came on too strong ....."

"Marley .... you can't do that ......you know how guys are!"

"I know!!! I just .... I just really like him and .... I couldn't pretend."

I layed all the details out for her and said. So can I send him one more e-mail ..... Just say .... you know hey I know you think I'm a stalker (tap,tap,I'm right behind you) jk .......and I know that you don't think we're compatible but hey when you're back in Vegas in July I'd LOVE to see you again ........

She was disgusted ..... What? No DO NOT fucking email OR text him.

Why?!!? ....I wondered.

That's when she told me the ugly truth.

If a guy tells you to leave him the fuck alone then you leave him the fuck alone you need to respect what he wants.

Wow. She was right ..... and I knew it .... and I hated it .... there would be no more text .... there would be no more e-mails ..... and I am just left here wondering if they have support groups for stalkers. Hi my name is Marley and I stalk people .... I think I realize now that, theres just a fine line between persistance and violating someone's exitstence.

Life is so backwards sometimes .... The guy you don't want is all over ya ..... and the guy you do want wishes you were ..... some one else ..... jesus. (hand on fore head)

So I still wonder what it was ..... It actually hurt bad to hear that I wasn't wanted. To know that being friends wasn't even an option .... It seemed like more than uninterested ... it felt like hatred. Why though? I just don't get it ...... Why did it hurt .... I didn't know him. We were never close ..... so I still don't understand.

Not to go off topic but, I'm out in the sun everday it shines on my face at work. It's the best. I wait on topless women. Can you say that? The pool lights up when the sun hits it and customers actually know that 60 dollars is 20% of 300.

I've been cracking jokes. The pool seems to be the most fun I've ever had in Las Vegas. All of the girls I work with are beautiful and it makes me proud to be where I am. I feel like I've bonded with them this summer. It's almost like I have a little family.

My fellow employees get me through the day. We make fun of each other and make fun of each others moms' and even make fun of each others love lives and experiences.

Soon, It will be time for me and all the girls to go back inside to the casino. I think with no hesitation ...... I'm really gonna miss the pool.

Being with these people and my friends and having my family. Makes me step back and recollect.... I am so lucky and so happy. I have so many good friends in my life. Inside when I look deep down, even though it sounds gay ..... I think I have a lot going for me. So, so what? What if a guy doesn't like me and honestly I can't be mad at some one just because they don't want me included in their personal or romantic life. I think that it's okay for a person to be uninterested in you. I can think of a few people I'm not interested in. The reality of it all is: It still sucks no matter what end you're on.

For now .... I'm going to keep my shit straight. It feels good not dragging behind finacially. I'm moving forward every day. What's scary is all of the desicions I make now will greatly effect my life in my thirtys and forty's. Thus I'm a little nervous to be making desicions.

I'm sending my mom two hundred dollars today. I mainly moved here for personal sucess and to be there when my family needed me. So, it is an honor to help my moher when she needs it. I never thought I would meet so many amazing people along the way, especially in sin city. I never thought I could move to a big city all by myself and reap such great rewards.